


Reverie

by abyssalconnection



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: M/M, so this. is the most self indulgent thing i have EVER written., tags will be updated as this is released, the graphic violence warning is not a lie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-04-12 16:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19136065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssalconnection/pseuds/abyssalconnection
Summary: While trapped in Takumi's body and having to deal with the consequences of his actions after being pulled to Askr, Anankos makes it his duty to protect his vessel from the hardships of this new world.Grima, meanwhile, views Askr as nothing but another plaything full of insects to manipulate and crush.When Anankos's malevolent half begins to claw out of the death Askr unsealed, the two will need to put aside their differences with one ultimate goal in mind- defeat him once and for all and ensure Takumi's safety.





	1. Recollections

**Author's Note:**

> A few things to keep in mind here:  
> \- this was all done in class. it's really rough, despite my efforts to polish it up. i want to promise that it gets better later on, but that's also really subjective. for reference, the first chapter was written mid august 2018.  
> \- i imagined once how different things would be if kiran used the information she had on the heroes to be a major asshole- specifically to takumi, in this fic, naturally- and ran with it.  
> \- this is the most self indulgent thing ever, and it's really unlikely 100% of the story is going to make sense to everyone at first. i wrote this for me, first and foremost, and i'm only deciding now to publish it instead of letting it sit there. that said, a lot of the stuff in this might make sense or be clarified later on if you don't get it now. in addition, i took the concept of cadros and anankos being Incredibly CloseTM back in the good old days and made it my livelihood. you'll see a lot of that in here.
> 
> that's enough. let's go ahead and get on w/ the actual story lol

He had known for a while now that Ryoma had died.

Ever since showing up here- in Askr- that fact was one of the many things he remained focused on. The scene was vividly implanted in his mind- Ryoma's glassy eyes as he was splayed on the ground, blood pooling around him and encrusted on the Raijinto firmly embedded in his stomach. He could still perfectly recall how he had fallen to his knees upon seeing his brother- how he had curled up against him, head pressed to a still body- as if the thing that had taken hold over his mind had taken a brief moment of pity, allowing him to desperately call out before silencing him and thrusting him back into pure pain. He even managed to feel a twinge of almost _sadness_ from the thing- as if it was recalling something at his tears.

He had been dreading the moment he saw the familiar glint of the Raijinto- the moment he looked into those lively eyes.

Ryoma was off to the side having a conversation with the Askran prince; he felt a chill run down his spine at the mere sight of the two of them, seeing his brother alive and well and chatting with him. He wanted to run up- to sob and bury his head in his chest, to feel his warmth once more- but the image of Alfonse standing near him turned his sudden grief into a smoldering fury that threatened to consume his consciousness. So much so that he staggered, blacking out for a moment before his fingers clenched around his bow drew him back to reality. He was cloaked in the shadows, the cold miasma around him only serving to prevent the two from seeing his hands suddenly flung to stifle his headache. The two of them heard his pained gasp and the clang of metal on the floor, however.

Alfonse had likely told Ryoma that he was dangerous- a menace, someone that lashed out at anyone near him- but his brother coming across him shuddering on the ground, wide-eyed and clutching at his head, likely helped dispel what Alfonse had told him.  
"Takumi? Takumi-"

“Don’t,” Ryoma had bent down, reaching out to grab his shoulder as he whimpered, cold and staring at the ground. Overcome with a sudden rage pounding his head further, he let out another pained groan and curled in on himself more, longing for Ryoma’s warmth. He felt so _empty-_ “He’s dangerous. He tries to attack anyone who gets too close to him-” Alfonse was cut off by Takumi’s subconscious growling, something he wasn’t aware of until he felt the chill constantly shrouding him intensifying as Alfonse recoiled a slight bit. “Do you see that? See how he lashed out?”

“I-I don’t- like- you-” he spat, gasping for breath. Speaking was almost impossible, and Alfonse simply ceased trying to subdue him. “Stay- a-away from- me-” He was almost wheezing now, letting the tears he had struggled to keep at bay spill over his cheeks. “I-I- s-st-stop- stop-” Alfonse utterly terrified him, leaving him wide-eyed and shaking-

“Keep this away from him, Ryoma,” Takumi froze as Alfonse picked up his now. His bow- in _his_ hands- he had gone limp, not breathing, unable to do anything but frantically press his eyes shut as immense rage crawled over his skin-

“Alfonse. Stop,” Ryoma said, watching Takumi flinch as Alfonse dropped the bow. “Do you see how much you’re hurting him?”

“R-Ryo-” He winced as Ryoma got closer to him. “D-Don’t- touch me- I-I don’t- wanna- hurt you-” But Ryoma picked him up without a second thought; Takumi winced for a moment, worried that the _thing_ inside of him would attack him, but he remained still save his his shivering and sniffling. He finally felt _warm_ \- the warmth he hadn’t felt since Hinata used to hold him-

“See? You’re okay,” Takumi picked up on the uncertainty in Ryoma’s voice and could tell his brother was giving Alfonse a questioning look. He sniffled again, drawing himself closer to that warmth- that blessed warmth- “Where’s your room, Takumi?”

“I… have a room…?” he asked as Ryoma leaned down to pick up his bow. He felt oddly safe in his hands, though there was an unsteady, groggy feeling in the back of his mind- as if the being in his head was relaxed too-

“...where have you been sleeping this entire time, Takumi?” Ryoma’s momentary lack of answer led him to believe that he had shot some kind of glare at Alfonse, though the other remained silent. “...just come with me for tonight, okay? We’ll find your room in the morning,” The tone of false cheer in his voice did little to mask the malice evidently directed towards Alfonse. “Sleep with me for tonight, okay?”

“...okay…” He hadn’t realized just how tired he was; he just wanted to sink into the _warmth_ , a feeling of vague euphoria weighing him down into unconsciousness. “...I’m… tired, Ryo…”

“Just sleep now, Takumi. It’s okay- I’ll keep you safe,” He could hardly understand Ryoma now, too busy captivated with the fact that he was so firmly pressed against his warmth- his beating heart- his _life_ -

“...’m…” He was so tired, so, so tired- but here, he was content to just sleep- to pass into the void he had been so desperately trying to escape. “...tired…” For Takumi was finally enshrouded in warmth- he was warm again.

 

* * *

 

It was cold, but here, he was pressed against that familiar warmth.

Humans were rather odd creatures. They forged bonds that stood the trials of time and war- war that he dragged them into- felt emotions so vivid, so _bright_ that they painted him pictures of their minds without so much as a second of thought. And they were warm- so blessedly warm that he couldn’t help but be drawn to them. Couldn’t forbid himself from almost lusting over something so simple as a mere touch- a faint brush of contact. For the world was cold, and he desperately sought some form of emotional satisfaction. This was hard to come by, after all- most were frightened of him despite his best efforts, no matter how they tried to mask the slight discomfort resulting from his presence.

Cadros, however, seemed more than willing to shelter him from the cold- to provide him with warmth.

He was curled up under the blanket, locked in Cadros’s arms and head firmly planted against the warmth. He was almost purring, something he didn’t even know he did while happy, basking in euphoria at the simple sounds of his heartbeat. Cadros pulled him closer, stroking his back as he nuzzled his way tighter into his arms. This was surely the best feeling- this feeling of utter peace- he longed to just remain here forever. To stay with him for the rest of time-

His hands suddenly tensed up around Cadros’s back in a response to a burst of utter terror at the thought that one day, Cadros would… leave him. A sharp intake of breath aided in drawing Cadros from his reverie, bringing him back from his bout of near-unconsciousness.

“...what’s wrong?” Cadros rubbed circles into his back, shushing him and pulling him closer. He quickly tried to steady his breathing, knowing that he had just woken Cadros up. “Are you okay, Anankos?”

“I’m… fine. It’s- nothing that you need to concern yourself with,” he murmured, allowing Cadros to hold him tighter. “Please, don’t worry about me-”

“I just want you to be happy, Anankos,” His voice was so gentle- so _pure_ it almost brought tears to his eyes, seeing someone care for him so… genuinely. “But if you don’t want to talk, that’s okay,”

“‘m just… tired,” Cadros didn’t need to worry himself about this. It directly concerned him, but Anankos didn't want to… scare him. “I- we should sleep. It’s rather late…”

“...I don’t mean to pry, but you sound close to tears. There’s something upsetting you right now, Anankos, and the best thing to do in a situation like this is to talk,” He paused rubbing his back for a brief moment, pondering. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine- I’ll always be here for you,”

It took him a moment to start crying.

Cadros remained silent, shushing him more, continuing to pull him close and hug tim tightly. His tears started off silent, though they rapidly devolved into heaving gasps and sobs into Cadros’s chest. His warmth somehow failed to relax him, something usually instantaneous- likely the thought of that flame of life one day going cold-

“I-I-” He cut himself off with another raspy cry. “I don’t-” Anankos calmed himself down in a moment, suddenly closing his eyes before taking a deep breath and speaking. “I… I don’t know what I’m- going to do when you-”

“Shh… shh,” Cadros had evidently caught what he was going to say an instant before it left his lips. “...you… don’t worry about that, okay? Please, please don’t worry about that,” Cadros was well aware of his own mortality- though he was only twenty-two, being this close to him only made him extremely conscious of his short lifespan, especially when compared to Anankos’s. He hoped- he desperately, frantically prayed- to who he didn’t know- that his blood could give Cadros longevity, but- eventually- “...you’re right. We should sleep-”

“Y-Yeah…” His voice was weak, but he was so _tired_ \- “...’m so… tired…”

“Come here, Anankos- you’re cold,” He slowly snuggled closer to Cadros, taking in his warmth. “Just go to sleep now, okay?”

“...I…” He fell asleep locked in Cadros’s arms, enshrouded in warmth under the blanket- safe.

 

* * *

 

“...C-Cadros…?” His voice was hoarse- desperate- and he felt the warmth next to him shift and awaken. “...Cadros…?”

“Takumi? Are you alright?” He was shaking, scared, breathing erratically and frantically- what… was this feeling? He felt sick- “...Takumi?” A warm hand pressed against his back, causing him to stiffen and stifle a sob. His eyes were wide, darting around the room until Ryoma took his face in his hands and looked at him with concern. He pressed his eyes shut, squirming to break free- “...did you have another nightmare…?” He didn’t respond- couldn’t respond- he was hyperventilating- wheezing- “What’s… wrong-”

“C-” He was wheezing, gasping for breath- “C-Cadros- I-” He was openly crying now, sobs wracking his body. His? Had he subconsciously wrestled control from Takumi while then slept? Why- why couldn’t he force him back in control? Why was he trapped here? He felt nauseous- on the verge of throwing up- where was Takumi? He never imagined he would find himself mentally begging for the presence of anyone but Cadros-

Ryoma pulled him close, pressing his head against his chest and rubbing circles into his back. He immediately froze, letting out a muffled whimper before going limp. His mind ran with visions of Cadros doing the same all those years ago- his stomach churned, leaving him with an impending sense of dread-

His heart skipped a beat as he finally took notice of Takumi’s presence in his mind, silently observing the breakdown that had been building for as long as the two had resided here in Askr.

Takumi seemed to hesitate now that Anankos had noticed him. His eyes were still pressed tightly shut against Ryoma’s beating heart, staring into the dark as he struggled to get away from him. His breathing was erratic, irregular- he couldn’t breathe- he wanted to just cry out for Cadros but the prospect of the dull silence in response utterly terrified him-

Simply hearing Ryoma’s heartbeat caused him to want to sob more as it reminded him of what _he_ had done- how he had forced Takumi to listen to that unforgiving silence- why was the thought of that scaring him? ...Takumi reminded Anankos too much of Cadros- was he getting a sense of pleasure watching him devolve into faint, occasional twitches and raspy breaths torn from his throat? He deserved that much- he just wanted to sleep- he wanted _Cadros_ -

With Ryoma still shushing him, holding him, and rubbing his back, causing the panic he was trying so hard to dispel, Anankos had control grabbed from him and he sank back into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

Takumi never saw himself taking control back from the force in his head.

...no, it- he- had a name. Anankos. And though he could never even begin to think of forgiving him for what he had done to him- images of his own body entirely shattered, Ryoma’s corpse, and his death still flashed in his head quite vividly at times, rendering him crying on the ground- he couldn’t help but feel some degree of… pity.

The monster in his head had had his own nightmare, unwillingly shoved into control of Takumi’s body, and had a violent panic attack, leaving Takumi the one to take back control of his own body. He had also seemed to show some level of remorse for all that had happened- he had gotten quite good at noticing how regret showed on his body- something he never imagined he would find Anankos feeling. Anankos. It felt so… odd to put a name to the force behind all his suffering. To be fair, he had never seen inside his head- this was the first time he had been out of control for a long while, and the last time-

Ryoma, likely assuming Takumi had fallen asleep, stopped caressing him and instead locked his arms around him.

...who was the Cadros person Anankos was frantically calling out to? He had only felt… warmth when Anankos was dreaming- heard faint murmurs of a name. He had woken to himself moving, something that cause an instant spike of utter, complete terror through his mind until he realized that there were tears in his eyes, he was shaking, and he was hoarsely calling out for someone.

The force behind all of his misery was far more human than he had anticipated.

But who was Cadros? He didn’t know-

Ryoma shifted in his sleep, causing Takumi to jump a little bit. There was still a feeling of intense, primal… almost _anger_ in his stomach- anger mixed with fear, sadness, loss… the same feelings when he had learned of Hinata’s death and when he had seen Ryoma lying cold on the floor. Cadros was clearly someone important to Anankos- someone who had died. But how long ago had he lived?

...it wasn’t his place to think about this. He was tired- tired, finally able to curl up against Ryoma’s warmth.

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Takumi fell asleep without a moment’s delay.


	2. Trepidation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge thanks to my beta reader(?? idk the terminology lol) zeiskyte for looking over this for me <3
> 
> // guess who forgot to add a chapter title originally and had to scramble to edit it in oops

When Takumi woke up, Ryoma was gone. He always got up early to train with his Raijinto, and it seemed that he took extra time to make sure that Takumi wasn't disturbed and awoken, something he appreciated greatly. He hadn't slept well for the past month as the floor had been far too hard and cold for him to sleep. He didn't even know if he had his own room, either- Kiran had never told him, making him suspect that he was never given one to begin with.

He didn't understand why Kiran hated him so much.

At the start, it was understandable. Takumi wasn't actually conscious for the first few days after being pulled to Askr. From what he had been told, Anankos had made a puppet out of him once more, locking him in a type of draconic fury as he tried to destroy anyone and everyone in his sight. That was only what Grima alluded to, though. When he had finally woken up, he had been completely delirious, unable to recall anything and in the middle of a screaming panic attack, leaving him sobbing and gasping for breath.

What he _did_ know, however, was that Grima utterly terrified him.

Takumi couldn't put into words why he did; perhaps it was because Grima reminded him too much of Anankos. The similarities were there- they were both dragons that could likely obliterate him with a thought and dredged up unpleasant memories that he would much rather leave to fade away. Grima even had some semblance of mental control over Takumi while he was near him- at the very least, Takumi always seemed to find himself too paralyzed by fear to resist Grima’s subtle manipulations of his mind. Grima enjoyed using him as a mental plaything, bringing up visions of the past to watch him suffer.

Perhaps the fact that the psychopathic dragon had grown fond of him was what made Kiran see him as dangerous.

Takumi had no intent to harm anyone. He just wanted his Hinata back- he just wanted his family back- he just wanted to go home-

”Oh, Takumi!” Kiran's sing-songy voice caused his feelings of uncertainty to morph into complete _hatred_ and he nearly passed out at the sudden wave of violent emotion. “Open the door, would you? We should have a little chat-”

His bow’s miasmatic arrow impaling the door to Ryoma’s room momentarily dissuaded her from talking.

”Takumi, this is exactly why we need to talk,” she stated, speaking to him like he was a child. He was growling, eyes wide, and burying himself in Ryoma's blanket after throwing his bow to the floor. His head pounded at the mere sound of Kiran's voice. He felt like he was going to be sick and she just kept _talking_ \- "So just open the door." 

"You-" he felt a momentary spike of fear at the furious growl that was his voice- "s-stay away- from- me-" 

"Oh, don't get so aggressive- we just need to have a little talk," The snobbish tone in Kiran's voice made him angrier, leaving him split between furious and downright terrified. Was Kiran going to shove what had happened in his face again like she always did- 

His heart sank into his stomach when Kiran opened the door, finding him cowering under Ryoma's blanket yet still snarling. 

"You're like a wild animal, Takumi- calm down, would you?" She sat on the edge of the bed and he _hissed_ while pushing himself back into the farthest corner of the bed. He wanted to be as far away from the summoner as possible. "I just want to talk- well, not with _you_ , per se, but still... _with_ you-" 

"L-leave m-me alone- leave- me- a-alone- I-" He was quivering, finding it harder and harder to breathe. His lungs felt like they were collapsing in his chest. Why had he thrown his bow to the floor? He had forfeited his only means of defense.

Kiran leaned in closer and he flinched, pressing his eyes shut and expecting a blow. "And what power do you have here? You can't do anything- this isn't even your room." A laugh. "So why don't you appeal to the part of you that does? _He_ could probably kill me, even in your body-"

He let out another growl, burying his head in the blanket and shaking, pulling it closer to him. Why was she talking about _him_? Why? His head was spinning. And now those vivid flashes were back-

A hand clamped around the back of his neck and Kiran stared into his wide eyes as he went limp from pure fear. 

"See? That's better, isn't it?" She closed her hand tighter, grinning at the whimper the motion elicited. "You aren't the one I want to talk to anyways."

He passed out for a brief moment, consumed by fright. Kiran shook him until he came back to consciousness, the sudden pain in his head bringing tears to his eyes turning his breaths ragged. "Ah, ah, ah- I can't have you passing out on me, Takumi-"

"Stop- s-st-stop- it-" His voice was weak, nothing more than a faint and desperate plea that Kiran ignored, continuing to firmly clasp her hand around the back of his neck. Her other hand went under his chin, holding his head up so Kiran could stare directly into his eyes. His anger had been replaced with desperate mental cries for Ryoma- for Hinata- for _anyone_ to come to his rescue.

"Takumi, I would expect you to be able to handle stuff like this by now. I mean, you've died _how_ many times now? Eighteen? Nineteen? Not counting your original two, of course," She was _smiling_ . She took _enjoyment_ from this- this _torture-_

"The difference between you and I, Kiran, is that I know how to best terrify someone- you've hit quite the spot of luck."

Grima's cold, smooth voice hardly even met Takumi’s ears despite the room's instant silence- he was too busy hyperventilating and sobbing to hear anything but himself. Kiran roughly threw him back down on the bed and left him to curl in on himself and cry into Ryoma's pillow, instead turning to face Grima. 

"Can you not see I'm in the middle of something here-" 

"Don't even begin to attempt to get friendly with me." His voice was low and quiet, but Kiran quickly cut herself off; maybe she was afraid too. "Now, then. I'll be taking the boy. I've grown quite... _fond_ of him,” Grima gave a curt and icy laugh. “He’s mine to toy with and mine _alone_ ,” He strode over to the bed, Kiran doing nothing to stop him. “He truly does despise you, you know? For keeping his family away from him- you humans and your pack bonds..." 

"You think you can order me around? I'm... busy. Leave-"

"I take no orders from you, worm. You'd best remember that." Grima lifted Takumi off the bed and he immediately clutched into his shirt, sobbing into Grima’s chest. He made no comforting moves, but simply having someone to hold onto, even if it was _him_ , made Takumi grow warmer relatively quickly. "And don't bother me- see, look at him. He's going to take forever to calm down," Pride forgotten, Takumi was still crying into him, making pathetic whimpers and letting Grima carry him.  
Without another word, they left the room.

 

* * *

 

Takumi sniffled on the bed, staring into the void and clutching Grima’s blanket.

”Allow me to make one thing very clear to you, Takumi- I despise Kiran as much as you do. That is the only reason I'm allowing you to stay here for today. She can't- and won't try to- bother you in here. However, you do have your own room to go to-”

”I… don't…” His voice was hoarse, faint and weak, and Grima paused to better decipher the mumble. “...don’t… have a… room…”

“Kiran didn't see fit to give you a room?” Grima laughed a bit. “I can't say that surprises me in the slightest,” Takumi remained silent, hugging the blanket tighter. “You- stay here, then. I don't care what you do- just don't leave this room without me or she’ll find you,” He scoffed. “It isn't like you eat much, anyway. I don't need to worry about that… not that I _do_ worry. I'll be back later in the day. I need to… _find_ Kiran-”

”...my… bow…” Takumi felt… tired. Weak. Weak without his bow- “...need… m-my bow...”

”Mm. I did leave that thing in your brother's room, didn't I? I suppose I can get it for you later…” Takumi’s breathing was strained- he felt incredibly exhausted, as if he could simply collapse at any moment. Well, he was already lying in bed, but-

...he felt close to death.

The feeling was something he had grown accustomed to over time. What he felt now was a mixture of his dehydration, his lack of sleep and food, and now the fact that his bow had been separated from him.

”...d-don't…” Grima stopped and turned at the sudden panicked tone in Takumi's voice. “...go… I… f-feel sick…”

Seemingly within a moment, Grima had positioned himself next to Takumi on the bed, holding him close to his chest like Ryoma had. “...what the hell did Kiran do to you? You're so… stressed. Tired far beyond yourself,” Another laugh. “Something’s upsetting that little dragon in your head.”

”...N-not… that… no…” He hadn't felt this… _empty_ in so long-

”You close your eyes and you'll be asleep in a minute. You're half conscious now, aren't you?” Grima pushed Takumi off of him and moved the blanket over him. “Now sleep.”

”’m… not…” He weakly pulled the blanket around him, warming himself up slightly. “...not… t-tired… I…”

Grima remained by his side until he slipped back into unconsciousness, seconds after closing his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Watching Takumi wonder about Cadros pained Anankos in a way that words couldn't begin to express.

It wasn't so much that Takumi didn't know who Cadros was- that was Anankos’s own fault, after all. It was rather the fact that his mind had drifted instantly to Hinata and how Takumi felt entirely lost without him. Now, watching him sleep, Anankos felt… alone.

Ten thousand years was an awfully long time for loss to set in.

He took control of Takumi’s body while he slept, hugging the blanket and wistfully staring into the darkness. It was impossible to tell that it was afternoon; Grima’s room was somehow pitch black, the light of the hallway seeming to disappear at the room’s entrance.

...the only reason Grima was so fond of Takumi was because he could sense Anankos in his mind, a fact that horrified him. Grima scared _him_ \- in this form, in Takumi’s body, that… _thing_ could squash him like a bug. He had little access to his draconic powers while residing in Takumi’s mind- he could hardly cause a headache in someone. He couldn't manipulate Takumi’s dreams, either-

Almost as if in response to these thoughts, he felt Takumi whimper and tense up slightly in his sleep.

At the moment, they both technically shared control of Takumi's body- he only took full control for brief moments to adjust his position, leaving Takumi more than able to suddenly begin twitching in his sleep, making what sounded like muffled cries. Anankos’s heart sank as he realized that Takumi was likely having a nightmare about the events of his death. Those nightmares terrified him almost as much as they did Takumi; he was able then to truly see what his other half had done to him. He could, to an extent, practically feel his pain; stabbing, crushing agony wracking his body and rendering him entirely immobile and fearing for his sanity. Anankos couldn’t even begin to imagine what had been going through Takumi’s mind after he was forced back into consciousness- back from death.

Takumi was shaking in his sleep, face reflecting vague discomfort as he pulled the blanket closer. Anankos’s stomach dropped as he heard the faint and almost guttural chokes and the pained groans Takumi was producing as he shivered. He sounded as if he were genuinely in pain.

He woke Takumi up after shoving him back into control, unable to bear seeing him unconsciously suffer anymore; there were tears in his eyes as they flew open.

Anankos merely watched as Takumi sat bolt upright, gasping and letting the tears he had brought to his eyes fall onto his chest. It took him a moment to fall onto his side, twitching and shuddering and trying to breathe between sobs. He wanted to reach out to him- to comfort him- but that would only increase his panic. He hadn’t- realized that he had grown so… fond of Takumi. Protective. Now, watching him curl in on himself, whimpering for Hinata and making noises resembling groans, he felt… guilt. Guilt knowing he was responsible for this.

“...N-Nan…?” If he had control over Takumi’s body, he would’ve instantaneously frozen, eyes wider than they already were. Takumi was close to falling asleep now, his panic attack having drained him of all energy. “...Nan?...” Anankos’s heart broke hearing Takumi struggle to call out for him- for _him_ -

Takumi felt a genuine pang of loneliness at the lack of a response.

“...’m… l-lonely… I want… H-Hinata…”

“ _Then go find him, Takumi.”_

He was close to unconsciousness, unlikely to remember anything about the last few minutes- yes, he could simply influence Takumi to forget that he had slipped and spoken to him- that he had even woken at all- he never had to know-

“I’m… t-tired… b-but I… want… Hinata…”

“... _Then go look for him,”_ Takumi didn’t seem scared at hearing his voice; he seemed almost content. Comfortable; at peace. His heart lifted a bit- had Takumi finally grown used to his presence? Or was he simply too groggy to understand? No, if Takumi had grown used to him being there, that was _bad-_ “ _You’ve waited quite long enough.”_

“...Grima… t-told me to stay here... “ Takumi yawned a bit, still wrapped in the blanket. “...n-not… to leave…”

“ _...You’re… actually listening to him…? Do you want to see Hinata or not, Takumi?”_

“...mmh… want… Hinata…” Anankos wanted to hug Takumi. Simply mentioning Hinata’s name had caused his feelings of being alone to intensify. “...H-Hinata…”

“ _...sleep. We- ..._ you _can find him when you wake up,”_...there was no ‘we’ anymore. Takumi was pure. He didn't want to corrupt him further than he had already. There was Anankos and there was Takumi; he wouldn’t allow the line between them to become blurred again. “ _Just sleep now, Takumi.”_

Takumi sniffed again, pulling the blanket around him tighter as he began to tear up again. “...I… I want… m-my home back, Nan… I wanna go h-home-”

Anankos mentally wrapped his arms around Takumi, trying to give him the illusion of warmth. He gave him the semblance of feeling as if he was being hugged- warmth not truly there. “ _Shh… shh… don’t cry, Takumi… just sleep, okay? Things will be better when you wake up…”_ Another sniff- Takumi’s mind slowed now that he was close to falling asleep, and he could feel unconsciousness tugging at the edges of his vision. He spoke once more before falling asleep; Anankos’s warmth briefly went cold at the words.

“...I… m-missed you… N-Nan…”

With a heavy heart, Anankos made Takumi forget that he had spoken to him. It was for the best- remembering that this interaction had taken place would only terrify Takumi upon him being conscious enough to realize who was speaking to him. ...It would likely never be truly safe to speak to Takumi. There was always that bit of primal fear that he would feel when Anankos was there. Takumi would never be truly comfortable around him. He had to learn to accept that.

Mind once again occupied with thoughts of Cadros, Anankos joined Takumi in his unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "eighteen? nineteen?" joke is by far in my top 3 moments of things that take place in this fanfic bc you gotta love the mechanic of casually bringing your units back from the dead in heroes
> 
> as for scheduling, right now i'm hopping between updating saturdays & tuesdays or saturdays & wednesdays. right now i'm going with tuesdays, but i'll give it some more thought and see if wednesdays actually work better. of course, that only applies until i run out material- it'll happen someday in the future, and when it does, i might drop to once a week updates so i can actually write more lol.


	3. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is some sappy garbage for the first part honestly

When Anankos was younger- far, far younger, naive and dependent- Cadros would often rub his wings. 

Despite him taking a human form, he would still feel pangs of his draconic self. One such urge was his longing to fly- to have his wings back. And so sometimes he allowed his wings to take shape on the back of his human avatar. The feeling of utter euphoria he had when he felt his wings unfurling from his back was something unlike even how Cadros made him feel. He was content simply lying in bed, spreading his wings with a grin of enjoyment on his face. 

The only thing that made him happier than Cadros and his wings was combining the two, letting Cadros stroke them while the pair was in bed. 

He was purring, eyes closed as he burrowed his way closer to Cadros, moving his wings so the other could easily get to them. Merely being touched by Cadros was enough to send him into a state of utter elation; it felt almost intimate, with him lying on his stomach and allowing Cadros to run his hands over his wings. Each gentle brush sent a jolt of pure joy through him and he found himself with a detached smile, eyes shut in a haze of comfort and a feeling of security. 

They rarely spoke much during these moments, instead drawing pleasure from each other’s warm company. That night, however, he could feel drips of unease from Cadros in the flow on contentment from his mind, as if he were allowing his unpleasant emotions to be masked by seeing Anankos happy. 

“What’s… wrong?” he asked, curling up on his side as Cadros continued to stroke his wings and back. He paused for a moment, mind suddenly shifting to sadness while he let out a sigh.

“I should’ve known better than to think that I could hide my feelings from you,” He wasn’t sad, nor was he angry. What was this feeling then? “I’m just… thinking. Well, you knew that, but-” He ran a hand over where Anankos’s wings met with his back; Anankos closed his eyes, still purring. “...I’m just stressed, is all.”  
“...stressed?” He had heard Cadros mention the word before, but he didn’t know specifically what it meant. Was that the feeling that had been a constant presence in the back of Cadros’s mind?

“Worried. Anxious.”

“Oh,” The feelings emanating from Cadros did resemble anxiety, but he didn’t know what was causing the sensation. He had strictly vowed to never pry into Cadros’s mind; to do so would be akin to physically harming him in Anankos’s eyes. He never wanted to scare Cadros with anything, which is why he mostly tried to ignore the thoughts he could pick up without meaning to. It was also why he had taken a human form to begin with; it was hard for him to snuggle up with Cadros in a dragon form, after all. “...well, what’s bothering you?” 

“...” He stopped stroking his back for a moment, causing Anankos to fear that he had somehow offended him, but his mind reflected no sense of hurt. “...I’m just worried that I’m not doing enough for the people of Valla.” 

“What would ever make you feel that way? The people love you through no doing of mine, Cadros. I couldn’t think of a single person who has any issue with you except yourself- and I would know if anyone else did.” He often felt some degree of…  _ stress _ that making offhanded comments like that would pique Cadros in a way- he didn’t like to bring up the fact that he could subtly sense every thought in everyone’s head, but he thought it would help reassure him. 

“...and I know that, but I can’t help but feel as if I’m not doing enough,” He massaged the tips of his fingers into Anankos’s back, causing the purring that had almost died off to resurge. “But I have you,”

“If you ever believe you need guidance, you can always come to me. I gave you my blood, after all- you can use the same powers I can, almost. Don’t be afraid to do so, or to speak to me if you need advice… my king,” he finished with an almost playful grin. 

“Oh, I told you that you don’t need to call me that, Anankos,” Anankos snuggled up close to him, wrapping his wings around Cadros and pulling him close like a type of blanket, covering the two of them with the actual blanket after. He closed his eyes, making himself more comfortable against Cadros. 

“If you insist,” he mumbled, burying his head into Cadros’s chest. He let out a content sigh, Cadros maneuvering his arms under Anankos’s wings to hug him. “...’m tired…” 

“Sleep now, Anankos,” Cadros murmured, closing his eyes and giving his own relaxed exhale. “...goodnight…” And so Anankos fell asleep in his arms, wings curling around Cadros like a shroud of warmth. 

 

* * *

 

Takumi awoke rather suddenly, feeling as if he had fallen into a daydream-like trance, yet finding himself utterly alone upon being dragged back into reality. 

Grina was still gone and he couldn’t tell if it was day or night in the room; it was as if the night itself had taken residence within the space, and any light that could’ve seeped in from the hallway simply didn’t. He felt some sudden desire to track down Hinata- to be with him again- but he had no doubt that Kiran would pounce on him the second he left the shelter of Grima’s room. But he wanted Hinata- he  _ needed _ Hinata back- 

“Still hiding in your little savior’s room, aren’t you?”

Kiran’s snarky drawl immediately sent him into a feral state of terrified rage, remaining perfectly still in Grima’s bed as his blood ran cold with thoughts of tearing strips of her flesh from her corpse. It took all of his energy not to run up and fling the door open- to jam his fingernails directly into her throat- to mutilate her- to  _ kill _ her-

“Oh, your little Grima is right here,” There was some sound resembling something hitting flesh and even from behind the closed doors, he could hear Grima’s wrathful, furious growls. “Yeah, I had to… tie him up a bit. I couldn’t have him threatening to kill me! Anyway-” Grima’s growls devolved into a muffled, utterly furious snarl as Kiran kicked him again. “I told you to shut up, did I not?”

“ _ Takumi _ ,” Grima seethed, his voice manifesting itself in Takumi’s head. He was so beyond anger that his voice sounded utterly calm, his low murmur holding a tone of pure ice. “ _ She has me tied up, that little-”  _ He let out another guttural growl and Takumi could feel- he could actually  _ feel  _ sharp pain in his lungs as Kiran jabbed her foot into Grima’s chest. He bit down on his lip hard enough to almost draw blood to prevent himself from letting out a choked scream; while normally feeling pain that wasn’t his own would leave him terrified, he was too consumed by his blind fury to really take notice of the fact. 

“Don’t try anything, you. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again-  _ you _ take orders from  _ me _ ,”

“ _ I-”  _ An almost draconic, low snarl. “ _ I’m so close to- destroying this body trying to kill- her-”  _ Takumi felt a violent pain in his head as Kiran kicked Grima’s own. “ _ Hnng- she’s- deliberately angering- me-” _

“You know, with your hands bound, you’re quite harmless,” 

“ _ I’ll- I can- build up electricity- in my body- when she touches me- we’ll both pass out- g-get me into the- room- untie me later-” _

“I find the fact that your eye keeps twitching quite endearing, actually. It just proves that you’re unable to do anything to me. Wittle Gwima’s compwetewy hawmwess-”

Takumi nearly blacked out at the sudden cold sensation that shot up his spine as Grima let out a massive jolt of electricity into Kiran, safely confirming the fact that both of them were unconscious; he nearly joined them, too, having to take a moment to catch his breath as his anger dissipated. 

He sat up, immediately getting out of Grima’s bed and throwing open the door. Kiran and Grima were both completely knocked out, Grima facedown and closest to the door with Kiran sprawled out not far behind him. He was curled in on himself, tied up and bound across his arms and legs. Takumi weakly dragged Kiran into the room, pausing for a moment and flinching when he was shocked by accidentally brushing against Grima’s face. After slamming and locking the door behind him, he collapsed on the floor next to Grima, the last traces of his rage vanishing. 

Grima woke up just as Takumi crawled over to lie down, resting his head on his chest. 

“Y- oh. You…” 

“...you… okay…?” His voice was raspy, much like Grima’s, leading him to believe that he had been crying in his sleep, though his face had felt dry when he had woken up. 

“...you care for what reason?”

“...you’re… m-my… friend…”

“Oh, forget I asked. You humans and your time-” Grima noticed that Takumi had been left on the floor by him sitting up. “...come to bed,” he sighed. “And I do suppose that I should thank you for bringing me in here. Untie me.” 

Weakly fumbling at the bindings was enough to set them loose, but the effort nearly caused Takumi to pass out. His sudden burst of adrenaline to get Grima had worn off; he assumed he had been running on very little sleep over the last few days. Coupled with his malnutrition, it made sense for him to feel as if he could collapse at any moment. 

“You’re utterly exhausted. I can go without sleep, but you, even with a dragon in you…” Grima sighed. “And you haven’t eaten anything in a while, have you?”

“...thought… you didn’t… care about me…”

“...silence. Sleep,” Grima lifted him up, placing him next to him in the bed and pulling the blanket over them. Takumi once more placed his head on his chest, something Grima didn’t object to. ...if he couldn’t have his Hinata back, this would be fine. This was… better than fine. Grima made him feel safe from Kiran, even if she had somehow overpowered him. His earlier misgivings about Grima’s ferocity seemed to apply to all but him, and for that, he felt… secure.

Because of that, it didn’t take Takumi long to fall asleep.  

 

* * *

 

Grima simultaneously despised Takumi and found himself vaguely fond of him, the latter feeling sparking even more irritation in him.

The worm in question was currently asleep against his chest, occasionally weakly pawing at his shoulders as if trying to hold onto him in his sleep. ...calling him a worm seemed unfit. He was better than the rest of the insects in this place- the only one worth saving. And though he utterly hated himself for growing even remotely close to a mere human, Takumi was… different. Pure. Not entirely consumed by the dragon in his head. 

The force that still held some diminished authority over the boy was an enigma even towards one such as himself. The only hints he had towards the identity were the occasional mumbles of ‘Nan’ Takumi sometimes made in his sleep. He found himself captivated by what had happened to him. Chaos and destruction were his domain and he deigned to take care of Takumi at night purely to observe those memories through his nightmares. He would even call it almost an obsession; as high as Takumi was held in his regard, he still gained slight amusement from seeing him in pain. Perhaps it was a bit sadistic, but what did he care? Takumi never had to know. All he had to be aware of was how the psychopathic Fell Dragon had seemingly decided to take mercy on him, something entirely his own right. 

For the first time in many hundreds of years, he was allowing himself to grow close to a human, and Grima found himself entranced by the sensation yet holding complete hatred towards it. 

Takumi genuinely seemed to care for him. While he would sometimes pick up deeper twinges of fear from him- and it brought a smirk to his face knowing that the other dragon was scared of him- the boy himself didn’t appear to be put off by his presence. He had figured that Takumi would remain petrified by him after realizing the apparent similarities to the dragon in his head, but Grima quickly realized that he was growing rather used to his company. 

The thought of wrapping his arms around Takumi briefly crossed his mind, though he dispelled the notion almost with a laugh. Why would he do that? Takumi had his precious little Ryoma for that. He also begged for Hinata in his sleep, but Grima assumed that Kiran was purposefully keeping the two apart. 

Out of all the worms in the dirt here, it was Kiran who he most desired to see crushed under his boot. 

The insolent, arrogant insect that was Kiran sparked feelings of total disdain that paled in comparison to how Takumi felt of her. The simple mention of her name was more than enough to send Takumi into a fit of almost draconic rage- it seemed that the dragon in his head hated her as much as Takumi did, and their combined fury was an emotion so raw that he had no doubts at all that, if Takumi were given the chance to do so, he would kill Kiran on sight. Grima had been about to enact his plot to do the deed for him- Takumi wasn’t nearly powerful enough to take Kiran- when she somehow managed to coil a thick rope around him, rendering him unable to resist anything. The lingering pain in his lungs from being kicked by her while he was down on the floor was nothing compared to the smoldering anger that had taken hold over his veins. 

He longed for the day Takumi’s stability fell apart and that pathetic little dragon took full control over him. If whatever had corrupted Takumi’s mind had full control, he likely still wouldn’t be able to use all of his powers. Human bodies weren’t fit to handle so much strength without some sort of detriment. Some simply went mad on the spot, their minds snapping in an instant, sending them into murderous frenzies. Some were fine until they slowly deteriorated until their minds were more feeble than a child’s, unable to fend for themselves or even remember their own names. But Takumi seemed… fine. Untouched save his mental scars and crippling nightmares. The dragon seemed content residing back in the recesses of Takumi’s head, only occasionally letting off jolts of fear so potent that Grima could feel them with no effort. He seemed weak, and Grima was at a complete loss as to how such a lowly being could even  _ take _ control from Takumi, much less after the boy had died. Or perhaps he had kept him alive just hanging onto a shred of life so he could feed on the last remaining bits of his existence. 

Takumi always seemed to make as much noise during the night as he did the day. He let out a low mumble, again weakly pawing at Grima’s shoulders. 

Grima pulled Takumi into a hug, locking his arms around the boy and then immediately freezing upon realizing what he had done. 

...why did he not immediately fling Takumi off him? He despised contact like this. But Takumi was… a rare exception. He would allow himself to care for a human just this once. This was it. He wouldn’t allow himself to become any more attached-

He felt something shift in Takumi’s unconscious mind and immediately tightened his grip as his little dragon took control. 

“Why, hello,” Grima grinned as Takumi went limp. “I never imagined you would make the mistake of taking control in front of me-”

“...stop,” When Takumi spoke, he sounded as if he was simply sleep talking; indeed, his eyes remained closed and his breathing even and heavy. “...just… admit you… care for… him-” He felt panic spread across Takumi’s mind as Grima tightened his hold enough to elicit a sputtering mumble as the dragon slipped back into the back of his mind. After ensuring Takumi was still asleep, Grima spoke.

“Too scared to face me head on, are you?” He waited for a response, but the only noise was Takumi’s continued breathing. “You’re just as weak as I imagined you to be.” The lack of an answer convinced him to stop attempting to speak. 

He didn’t care for Takumi. Not in the way the dragon implied- no. He… didn’t care for Takumi. Why, then, was he allowing the boy to sleep on him? Why had he rescued Takumi from being tortured by Kiran? What was it about Takumi that entranced him in such a way? 

He steeled his will and pushed Takumi off him, that warmth falling to the side as he curled up with the blanket to replace the person he was holding on to. 

Refusing to acknowledge the semblance of guilt that crossed his mind, Grima fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will i ever write something that makes sense? find out next time


	4. Phantasm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew ok i really apologize for just disappearing for a month without warning, the first week i was on vacation so i couldnt find the time to get my laptop out and upload the chapter, and then that just turned into "oh wack it's thursday? thought it was wednesday, ill just wait until saturday. wait it's sunday now? oh well, i'll get it wednesday" so i am here now and uploads are (hopefully) gonna be consistent again :)
> 
> and as usual thanks to zeiskyte for betaing (still dunno if thats a word lol) this

Takumi was falling.

He almost couldn’t register the blank fear in his mind. He was falling, falling and he could sense the ground rapidly approaching. He… didn’t know why he wasn’t… scared. He could hardly even feel himself, let alone any type of fear. He didn’t-

He woke up with a gasp after hitting the ground with a dull thud, immediately thrashing around in the blanket and trying to scream but only finding himself able to attempt to breathe with choked and muffled sobs. 

“...Takumi?” Someone said his name but he didn’t-  _ couldn’t _ \- respond, heaving breaths wracking his already shivering body as he curled in on himself. “Did you truly just fall off the bed-” Grima cut himself off upon realizing Takumi was now emptily staring wide-eyed into the darkness, holding onto the blanket and whimpering. “...right,” He was lifted off the ground, pulled back into a Grima now shushing him, stroking his back and holding onto him. “Are you still scared? There’s nothing for you to be afraid of, you know…” Grima sighed. “...not that I, mm, care.” 

Takumi resumed shaking, weakly yet desperately pulling at Grima’s shirt as if he would somehow be able to stop the jolts of pain shooting up his body at every twitch. It wasn’t pain, rather some type of… cold discomfort, but the sensation reminded him far too much of the few seconds of utter numbness that had felt like an eternity after he had fallen. So he halted his breathing, only drawing in miniscule breaths at the fear of feeling the cold again. Grima shifted at noticing he had quieted him down, causing him to grip onto his shirt again in an attempt to steady himself despite the lack of actual movement. “See? There’s nothing wrong.”

At the words, Takumi began to cry a bit. “No. Stop that. The one thing I simply cannot stand is when you pathetic humans start crying-” Takumi buried his head in Grima’s chest; he finally relented and resumed hugging Takumi. “...just go to sleep.”

“You… d-do… care about me, don’t… y-you…?” Grima let out another sigh at Takumi’s unsteady voice but didn’t answer, closing his eyes for a moment before tightening his hold around Takumi. 

“Stop talking. Sleep.”

“Thank you for… protecting… m-me…” Takumi yawned, snuggling closer to Grima. “...even if… you don’t… w-wanna admit… t-that…”

“I told you to stop talking,” A pause as Grima contemplated something. “...quit lying to yourself. I don’t care for humans. I despise your entire damned species, what with your wars and your- your  _ insolence _ \- I’ve witnessed time and time again how you bicker and destroy and  _ ruin _ everything you set your hands on,” He scoffed a slight bit. “Were it any other species, it would perhaps be charming, but you humans  _ sicken _ me-”

“...b-but you don’t… feel like t-that about… me…” Grima remained silent. “...you… w-wouldn’t be… letting me… be here right now… if you… d-did…”

“...sleep before I make you sleep.”

“Goodnight…”

Minutes passed, Takumi finding himself unable to fall back asleep. Grima eventually slipped into unconsciousness beneath him, his breathing becoming much more even. Somehow, even Grima’s breathing seemed… threatening while he was awake, but when he slept, the more human side of him took over. 

Perhaps Grima was far more human than he cared to admit.

He wondered what Grima had been like before… well, before he was Grima. People he heard- more specifically Kiran at times- sometimes referred to him as Robin, but Grima never responded to the name. He wasn’t entirely certain; he assumed Grima was the name of the dragon and Robin was the name of the body he had taken control of. He never even once had seen or heard Robin so much as try to take control back- perhaps he truly had died, Grima taking over the empty corpse.

…

Perhaps it was best to stop thinking about this, as he was suddenly on the verge of a panic attack again. 

Grima remained sleeping, arms still locked around Takumi. ...he  _ did _ care about him. As much as he tried to deny it, he  _ had  _ grown rather protective of him. That was good, right…? He needed somebody to stand in while he remained separated from Hinata. Yes, that was what he should do when he woke up- finally track down Hinata. Finally reunite with him. If Grima was there to protect him from Kiran, it would all be fine. If he had his bow back-

...it was still with Ryoma. That was fine- he would surely return it to him in the morning. He could just… sleep now…

Takumi fell asleep locked in Grima’s oddly warm embrace.

 

* * *

 

“ _ You.” _

The room was dark and he was… cold. Crushed by the raw power he felt before him, able to sense something with the ability to end his life in a moment. He was paralyzed, stricken by the utter fear crawling over his skin or some other force he couldn’t tell, unable to see- he was  _ scared _ -

“ _ You truly are pathetic, aren’t you, Anankos?” _

The sudden twinge of complete terror in his mind at hearing his name spoken seemed to amuse the dragon before him, as he heard low, growling  _ laughter.  _ He couldn’t speak- could hardly even think- his mind was overwhelmed and drowned out with emotions not his own- 

“ _ Why would you shed your draconic form to adopt a human one?”  _ A sudden stabbing pain in his leg elicited a scream cut short. He couldn’t breathe- couldn’t even react to the pain- he couldn’t move- “ _ Human bodies are weak. Vulnerable. Easily broken,”  _ More of the demonic laughter followed his futile attempts to struggle to move. “ _ Of course, you’re quite familiar with that, are you not?”  _ Yet he couldn’t stop the tears falling- 

Something impaled his throat and his vision went dark for a moment before he was dragged back to consciousness, a sputtering, guttural fasp causing him to violently hack up blood as he collapsed to the floor, eyes wide as he desperately clawed at his neck. How- how was he not  _ dead _ \- his entire mouth was sticky with blood and the hand pressed to his neck did nothing to help him  _ breathe _ \- he was choking- he was going to  _ die _ choking on his own blood- 

“ _You are weak.”_ He was- he was going to _die_ because he couldn’t breathe over his own blood clogging his throat- “ _But that should’ve given you death. You still retain some of your powers…”_ His tears mingled with the blood he was frantically trying to spit out- “ _That changes nothing.”_ The edges of his vision were fading, spots of darkness crossing his vision. He was going to _die_ \- “ _You do not deserve the mercy of a quick death,”_ He was _dying-_ he couldn’t breathe- couldn’t breathe over his own blood- he could feel his consciousness slipping like how he was slowly and futilely curling in on himself, desperate paws at his throat growing weaker- he was _dying_ and it was cold and it _hurt-_ it **_hurt-_** _“But you will die here. And_ you,”

He was letting out raspy breaths, unable to move. It was cold- dark- his head hurt and his throat hurt and his blood hurt and it all  _ hurt _ . He had gone limp, blankly staring into the void with half-closed eyes. He was… going to…  _ die _ … what was this…  _ fear _ he felt…? He would… get to… see… Cadros again… right? 

Anankos was too close to death to notice Takumi’s choked cry as he was thrust down on the floor next to him. 

“ _ You, _ ” The voice had shifted to a type of growl that he could no longer hear- he just… wanted to… close his eyes… it was so dark, and cold, and he was so…  _ tired _ … “ _ You can watch your beloved ‘Nan’ die, pathetic human.” _

He could distantly feel Takumi’s fear, but it was… blurred. Faint. Much like the dark around the edge of his slight- slowly creeping in, consuming him. The same darkness that had claimed his dear Cadros’s mind…

“N-Nan…?” He didn’t answer Takumi’s frightened voice or the sudden spike of utter horror emanating from him- the hand on his shoulder trying in vain to shake him back into consciousness, hesitating when he received no answer. “N-Nan?” His shallow breaths caused small amounts of spittle and blood to gather at his lips. He… was… so…  _ t-tired _ … “Nan?! Please- please, oh, gods-  _ please _ \- please, wake up-  _ wake up _ -”

“ _ Your cries are amusing, little princeling.” _

_ “ _ S-Shut up- N-Nan-!”

Anankos closed his eyes and slipped into that blissful unconsciousness as he heard Takumi’s guttural choking as something impaled his stomach.

 

* * *

 

Anankos sat bolt upright, hands instinctively flying to his throat, frantically gasping for breath and trying to comprehend what had just happened. It… had all been a dream. It was okay. He was okay. Takumi was okay. They weren’t dead- 

“You had a nightmare?” Grima’s smug comment caused him to tense up, realizing that he was once again in control. “Was it yours or Takumi’s?”

Without a second of hesitation, he placed his head against Grima’s chest and let himself cry, unaware of his actions in his panicked state of mind, before he was roughly pushed to the side by him. “Oh, no. You stay off of me.” Rapidly calming himself down, Anankos settled for nuzzling his face next to Grima’s arm, drawing in the warmth. “...are you truly that pathetic? What happened to the you of the time after being summoned here?”

Having calmed down quickly after realizing that it had all been a twisted nightmare, Anankos refused to answer and allowed himself to contemplate what Grima had said. 

When he had been called here by Kiran- the name alone brought slight pain to his head- he hadn’t truly regained consciousness until Takumi had- almost three days after the fact. He couldn’t seem to recall what had happened in that time, even after Takumi woke up. Considering he did so, however, completely delirious, convulsing and screaming for Hinata between heaving sobs, he didn’t assume it had been anything pleasant. His worst fear was that of his other half somehow managing to take control of them again. Though the three of them- Takumi, his other half, and he- had all died during that wretched battle, the fact that Anankos’s soul remained in Takumi’s body only left him to nervously speculate about his other half. He had found that he was slowly regaining power, too, even in this human body- if he truly desired to, he could likely now take control of Takumi’s body and leave him unable to snatch control back. Takumi had been able to thrust him into unconsciousness before because he had been vulnerable then, but as his powers were returning even without his intention, he was unsure if Takumi would even be capable of doing that anymore. 

It was incredibly hypocritical, but the thought of Takumi being able to somehow hear his thoughts worried Anankos. Takumi was unconscious now, but when he had dreamt of Cadros, he didn't know if Takumi could fully see into his mind then. True, he had woken up with a vague idea of who Cadros was, but it was unlikely that he had experienced any type of vivid dream. Takumi didn’t deserve to be frightened further by him, didn’t deserve to be burdened with his past. The fact that Takumi hadn’t woken up gasping for breath proved that he either didn’t experience the same dream or he simply wasn’t aware of it. 

He nudged his way closer to Grima now that the latter had fallen asleep, apparently not seeing fit to taunt him further. The other’s breathing was light and his mind was at ease, both traits Anankos wasn’t used to seeing on him. He always had some type of distant… fury in the recesses of his mind, even when he felt momentary joy seeing Takumi move closer to him.

He didn’t understand why Grima was so apprehensive to admit that he cared for Takumi. Humans were wonderful, fascinating creatures. He often found himself longing for Takumi to find Hinata solely so he could feel his warmth on his skin- the one person he was truly content with. He sought to feel a human’s warmth again on his own skin- he shared everything Takumi felt, but he just wanted Cadros back. Sometimes if he was about to fall asleep, he would imagine that he could hear Cadros’s lullaby, something that pulled him into sleep almost instantly. He just wanted to feel Cadros’s touch again- to have his wings rubbed once more- 

His heart skipped a beat when the question of what he would do if he was forced to decide between Takumi or Cadros dying crossed his mind. 

...he was done thinking for the night. 

He forced the sleeping Takumi back in control and allowed himself to fall into whatever unconsciousness he could claim before Grima woke up. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally just nightmares the chapter and this is where i start to question if what i wrote while i was still half asleep during school actually had any substance
> 
> in my own defense there is a solid plot later on idk what this is now though


	5. Intent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, this hasn't been updated in forever. but i'm back now- there's no real reason for my absence other than i just didn't feel like updating it for a while because a lot was going on irl, and then i kind of forgot about this fic lol. so this chapter's just been sitting there for a while (and thanks to zeiskyte as always for betaing it <3). but it's here now.

Takumi woke up feeling strangely exhausted, as if he had done something in his sleep. He was still there, though, asleep in Grima’s bed. Grima, however, was gone, having left Takumi to curl up in his bed alone. Grima had told him to stay in his room at all times, but he needed to find Hinata. He needed- he _needed_ his Hinata back. The desire had pulled at the back of his mind for as long as he could remember now, but something had shifted in him as he slept. Grima wasn’t there to forbid him leaving, so he stood up and stretched, hand bolting to something to steady himself on to prevent himself passing out. He ended up pressing his hand directly on a book lying on the desk; he thought at first that it was a tome, but judging on the lack of energy he felt, he assumed it was merely a regular book.

He had tried to dabble in magic before, but he had found himself completely inept in all forms of the act. Simply trying to conjure fire left him feeling nauseous, persuading him to stop trying entirely. He couldn’t help but feel jealous of those who could wield tomes effortlessly, manipulating electricity, fire - even elements such as the light and darkness themselves. He was content with his archery, however. While his bow was technically magical, he had eventually grown to realize that it didn’t drain him as much as other forms. And after many years of wielding it, he even managed to manipulate wind slightly outside of his bow, which was something that entranced him, confused him, and- if he were to be honest with himself- unnerved him. He was able to use Dragon Veins, of course, something he was unable to do here, leading him to believe that his little talent with wind was something else entirely. 

Takumi shook his head. He needed to focus on finding Hinata.

Being kept away from Hinata for so long had left him genuinely longing for his touch. He didn’t understand why Kiran was keeping the two of them apart; even Anankos seemed hesitant at the thought of _threatening_ to have Takumi hurt him. He would _never_ hurt Hinata. He wanted to just remain with Hinata forever, perfectly content and locked in his arms. That was all he wanted- all he _needed_ to feel happiness again. There was nothing in the world that would lead him to hurt Hinata. Takumi knew Hinata would be safe when they were reunited, something Kiran couldn’t seem to grasp. 

Grima had told him to not leave the room without him, but finding Hinata was much more important now than that. He pushed open the door to Grima’s room, wary eyes darting up and down the hall before taking a step out of his refuge. Grima was still nowhere to be seen- thankfully for him- and he took apprehensive steps to the end of the illuminated hallway. Takumi had no idea where Hinata was; the sun pouring in through the windows led him to believe that it was just after dawn. Back in Hoshido, Hinata would be training around now, so he figured the training grounds would be the best place to begin. It was quite a walk, however, so he decided to take the back halls near the kitchens where nobody was likely to stumble into him. 

Directly after he thought it would be safe to make his move, however, he came face to face with his own younger sister, Sakura. 

Sakura was one of the few people who didn’t shun him over what had happened, events quite literally out of his control. Instead, she acted her normal, caring self, making certain that he was okay to the best of her ability. It pained him to tell that Sakura was, however, somewhat frightened of him; he would likely be rather upset if Ryoma had died and then showed up in front of him, delirious and unable to form a sentence, so he did understand Sakura’s apprehension. Speaking and breathing still sometimes made him feel as if his lungs and throat were ablaze with pain. Sakura didn’t know that, however; he didn't know exactly what she had been told relating to his death. She might’ve just been told that he died in battle, Kiran neglecting to mention the miasma resulting from… other events. She was smart, though, and had likely pieced together things based on what others had told her. 

“Oh, Takumi! Do you need anything to eat? I’m helping out in the kitchen today, s-so if you need anything-”

“‘m... looking for H-Hinata…” He was thinking fine, but found that he couldn’t speak without stuttering barely above a low murmur, something he’d likely find irritating if he actually spoke to people other than Grima usually. His message got through, though, as Sakura warmly smiled a bit. 

“Hinata would be in the Training Tower right now, I’d think…” She frowned a bit. “Though I haven’t r-really seen him much… or at all… b-but I never talked to him much, so…” Takumi slowly nodded, internally letting out a faint noise of frustration. Getting to the top of that damned tower was training enough in itself, and being up that high was terrifying to him. “Are you h-hungry? Do you need to eat anything?”

“I‘m... fine…” He hadn’t eaten anything in quite a while, truth be told, but he felt… fine. Actually, he felt quite detached from his own body; he felt none of the effects of the fact that he hadn’t had a proper meal in a week, and that had only been at Sakura’s insistence. He didn’t want to drink anything, either; though he likely needed water, being anywhere near it gave him horrible anxiety. 

“A-Are you sure…? You seem… t-tired.”

“I’m fine…” he repeated, staring blankly at Sakura until they accidentally made eye contact and he awkwardly averted his gaze.

“...when was the last time you ate anything, Takumi? R-Really, you should get something to eat-”

“...not… now…” He had no intention of eating anything, as simply putting anything in his mouth made him feel sick; the thought of swallowing food was too much. “...thank you…” He started to walk again, hoping that Kiran wouldn’t ask Sakura if she had seen him.

Takumi briefly pondered what would happen if he just… ran away from this place and never looked back. He could convince Grima to go with him, and the two could get far, far away from Askr. Not many things could keep up with or attack Grima’s dragon form, after all. Maybe if they went far enough, they could find Hoshido again. It was a childish thought, but he genuinely wanted to just… leave. If he wasn’t able to go _home_ , he could make his _own_ home somewhere- 

“How cute.”

Grima’s voice behind him caused him to jump, turning around and seeing him leaning against the wall with a wry grin on his face. “No, no. I do mean what I say. It’s cute how you’re deluding under the assumption that you can survive anywhere without me. Have you not considered the fact that I perhaps wouldn’t like to take part in your little escapade?” The lack of apparent determination in his eyes likely told Grima all he needed to know, as that grin only spread. “But I’ll humor you. Life here is getting quite dull now that Kiran is refusing to acknowledge my existence... “ Grima pushed himself off the wall, eyes shifting from cold amusement to something resembling intrigue. “You wanted to see your precious little Hinata first, didn't you? Something I specifically told you not to do- why do you care so much for him? He’s just like any other of you humans.” 

Takumi spoke after a moment, still focused on their plan of escape and hardly listening to Grima’s ramblings. “...because I… l-love him…”

“... Emotional bonds make you weak. What if he were to suddenly turn on you? Attack you? You’d find yourself too busy longing for him and too attached to him to retaliate. Love is but another of fate’s cruel jokes. You can run and yearn and chase after him as much as you desire, but to what end?” Takumi continued to just stand there, tuning out Grima’s words. Undeterred, he continued. “Are you truly content with throwing your life away to lust over him? What of death, Takumi? Destiny doesn’t acknowledge your bonds. Your ‘love’. They’ll be broken as if they had never formed in that instant one of you dies. Love is a fool’s gamble that’s rigged against you from the beginning by the simple fact your pathetic mortal lives will someday be ended. That flame of life- that spark of love you spent countless hours fueling- will go out and can't be rekindled no matter how hard you try. Is it even worth trying to light it at all when you know that no matter how hard you struggle and fight against fate, it will be extinguished at the hands of eternity? … Are you even listening to me.”

“...I… love him…”

Grima sighed, resigning himself to the fact that Takumi had hardly listened to a single word he said. “You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment, Takumi.”

“...” He loved Hinata. Death couldn’t- _wouldn’t_ \- change that. If Hinata died, Takumi genuinely believed that he would end up joining him himself so he didn’t have to live knowing he could’ve saved him. There was no point to his existence without Hinata. He was his everything- he would gladly give his life if it meant Hinata could live on. “... You… don’t understand…”

“And perhaps I don’t,” Grima sighed again. “I likely never will. I’m not human- I’ll never truly be able to live among you. But I’ve witnessed what love can do to a person. Some are driven mad by their desire for emotional satisfaction. Love makes one weak. I see no purpose in indulging in such a thing. But you…” Yet another sigh as he glanced at Takumi, still lost in thought and staring off into space with glazed eyes, thinking of how they were going to finally leave. “I can only hope you don’t become like _that_.”

“... You’ve never… loved someone…?”

“Of course I haven't,” Grima scowled a bit. “...but this body has. I can still feel it echoing in _his_ veins,” Grima almost spat the word, letting out a low growl; at some point they had both found themselves sitting in the hallway, facing the wall and refusing to look at each other. “I absolutely despise the feeling. It- sickens me. Feeling mere _afterthoughts_ of those wretched human emotions. I thought that I had eradicated all traces of that boy… no matter. It doesn’t concern you.”

“... Why?”

“Why? Why haven’t I ever loved someone? I don’t need to. Love is a thing that would prove to be nothing but a hindrance- something that would slow me down. There’s no benefits to me needlessly chasing after someone. I’ve... gone this long without finding someone foolish enough to bestow affection onto me…” Grima paused for a moment, sighing before stating what he had been dodging around. “... There’s no point in growing attached to creatures with such short lifespans, really.”

“... Oh,” Takumi rested his head on Grima’s shoulder, the other stiffening briefly before relaxing and hesitantly shifting slightly closer to him. “I… wouldn’t understand _that_ … I guess… there’s things about love… that we both don’t understand…”

“I suppose you’re right. We’re different. It makes little sense to compare us, doesn’t it?” Takumi gave a slow nod, snuggling closer. “The body I inhabit may be human, but I am not. Don’t mistake me for one. I have no need for love or for caring or for the weak emotional bonds you create,” Takumi closed his eyes, pressing himself against Grima. “... And if you’re genuine about leaving this place, we leave tonight.”

“... You… mean that…?” It had only been a foolish thought, but Takumi _was_ serious about leaving Askr. He wanted to go home, but Kiran wouldn’t allow him to do so. It really _was_ childish, but the sense of joy he got from Grima’s agreement put a faint smile on his face. But there was always a chance that returning home could place him right back in the situation Askr had saved him from- 

“I do. You can’t tell anyone- they would try to prevent us from leaving, naturally,” Takumi nodded again, closing his eyes once more and reflecting on his plans. “You have almost the entire day to prepare. We’ll get as much food as we can bring with us. A blanket. You can get your bow back. Just meet me here at sunset with everything you’re planning to bring.” Grima shrugged Takumi off of his shoulder and stood up, “Tell nobody. Steal from the kitchens if necessary- soon you won’t be here for them to yell at you, after all,” He chuckled a bit. “Not that that matters to begin with.”

Suddenly Sakura’s offer of food didn’t seem like something to ignore. 

A grin spread across his face at the sheer glee of being able to leave his hell. He was glad that Grima was going with him, so very glad- they were going to be _free_ \- “I’ll just fly as far away from here as I can. Who knows- you may find your Hoshido again,” Grima seemed rather amused at Takumi’s thoughts. “Though I doubt it. Tell me, Takumi- what exactly are you planning to do once we get so far away from humanity that there’s nobody to find us when we inevitably die of starvation?”

“...” His dreams of setting up a shelter with Grima and simply _living_ did seem rather outlandish now that he was thinking about what they would actually do together. He could hunt, but he wasn’t as good at that as he wanted to be. Animals always seemed to be able to sense his presence, and as of late, they seemed downright hostile towards him. It was most likely due to the fact that they could sense the aura around him. Even if he couldn’t hunt, he had Grima, who was more than capable of killing things if necessary. 

“That aside, before you so much as think about taking anyone else with us, I absolutely forbid it. This is going to be just the two of us- I cannot so much as _think_ about having to spend this time with anyone other than you,” Takumi gave an idle and unfocused nod, still thinking about how him and Grima could just explore the world, away from the rest of humanity and not having to worry about Kiran’s torture. A place where the two of them could just lie down and gaze into the stars, not a care in the world. They could snuggle close, a blanket around them as the ocean reflected lustrous moonlight. He could fantasize about the scene for as much as he wanted, but it was up to them to make it a reality-

“You know that there might not even be any oceans around here, yes? I’ve no idea what the geography of this damned world is…” It had only then consciously occurred to him that Grima was casually perusing his thoughts. He didn’t really mind that anymore; the thought of it no longer sent a chill of pure fear up his spine. “What will you do if this is it, Takumi? This continent could be only Askr and enemy territory. What would you have us do then?”

"... Then we go over the oceans until we find land," He found that if he spoke just barely above a whisper, he could go without stuttering. "We... will find somewhere. Somewhere where it can be... just us..." Grima's dragon form reflected the body he was in- that was to say that as long as Grima remained well-nourished, they could keep going. There had to be more beyond Askr and Embla- if he was leaving here, he wasn't coming back.

  
Grima laughed a bit. "That determination will hold no value in the face of death, Takumi. We'll leave here and you'll be begging me to bring you back. It's best to call this an excursion rather than an escape- the latter implies that one won't return."

  
"... I just want to go... home. Leaving here... is the closest I can... get to that," Even if Hoshido was in ruins- even if Castle Shirasagi was nothing more than a pile of burning debris, even if the villages were ravaged beyond repair, even if going back would force him to relive everything again- more than he experienced them in his godsforsaken nightmares- he wanted to go home.

But Hinata. What- what about Hinata? What if Hoshido really _was_ destroyed? Now faced with the choice between staying here, where he was being kept from him, and finding a way to a potentially destroyed home, where there was a  _chance,_ ever so small, he might be able to see his Hinata again... it wasn't really that bad, was it? After all, if he somehow managed to go back to Hoshido, he could find Hinata. He simply refused to believe otherwise. There had to be a way. There  _had_ to be. He was tired of hoping Kiran would decide to allow him to see Hinata- but how would they manage to go home without Kiran?

  
"... I have no home to return to. And-" Grima gritted his teeth for a moment before speaking. "There are... many worse people to spend time with, I suppose. You are- ...you are someone, one of the few people whose company I find... pleasant. The-" He cringed before speaking, the first time Takumi had heard him stutter. "...t-the only one whose company I find... close to enjoyable. But- no matter. You’re planning to take things as they come to you, aren’t you? You truly have no plans for this, do you?”

“... I... don’t.”

“You truly fancy us traveling the world with no real end in mind, Takumi? This isn’t a world either of us know. There’s no way for either of us to return home. You desire for us to spend our lives idly staring at the ocean and hugging each other?” A scoff. “Quite lofty goals, aren’t they?”

“...” He didn't want to accept that there was no way for him to return home. That was the one thing he didn’t want to hear. There had to be some way without Kiran's abilities- there _had_ to be a way- “We can… try to find a way…”

“Hm?”

“... There’s no point just hanging around here… we can… try to find a way home… c-can’t we…?”

“...don’t get your hopes up, Takumi. You think me able to somehow turn the water in your little fantasy into a way home? That seems rather impossible, no?” The feeling of utter, crushing anxiety suddenly causing his heart to sink confused him. Why did the words… scare him? Why? He had felt nervous around water as of late, but simply _mentioning_ it- “... That matters not,” A dull sigh. “We can work out the finer details- namely how we die- later. Gather your supplies here at sunset,” Grima grinned, eyes narrowed slightly. “Your little dragon didn’t like the sound of my words. I wonder…”

The feeling of nausea intensified, his vision momentarily going black as he staggered, hand flying to the wall to steady himself with a gasp. Grima laughed, pulling Takumi close and holding his face, seemingly to stare through him with suddenly malicious eyes. “I’ve gotten something, haven't I? Your domain is something relating to water, isn’t it?” The resulting spike of total fear and his instinctive struggles to get away from Grima only confirmed Takumi’s suspicions that Anankos was subtly tugging at control over his body. Perhaps subconsciously, as he was instantly thrust back into full control. Grima shook his face a bit, gazing deep into his wide eyes. “And that fear only shows that there’s something about your powers that you don’t want us to know,” He was struggling to get away now, head throbbing. Grima released him and he fell back, breathing heavily and mouth agape. “Though perhaps you’ll choose to help when your precious little Takumi is on the verge of death because of what you’re refusing to tell us.”

He briefly tensed up before going limp again, Anankos throwing the control he had taken from Takumi back at him. He was _shaking_ \- Grima had truly frightened Anankos, leaving Takumi also feeling his fear. He could tell it was because Anankos didn’t want Grima to hurt him over his own misgivings, but the fact that he could tell that sent a jolt of pain and some type of existential terror through his head. He absolutely hated being able to feel someone else’s emotions so _effortlessly-_ it felt intrusive. While he should’ve felt no remorse for prying into Anankos’s mind, the feeling sent a twinge of guilt through him. Nobody deserved to have their fears read like that, regardless of what they had done-

More of Grima’s light laughter. “Oh, Takumi. Well, we’ll leave tonight, then. If Kiran tries anything, we can just kill her. And on that note- you’d want your bow back, yes? Unless Ryoma’s done anything with it, it’ll still be in his room, I assume. Get it back before tonight,” He sighed, glancing at the window and recoiling as he stared into the sun. “It’s still morning- you have the whole day to get ready. So long as you’re here by sunset, it’ll all be good, yes?”

“I… y-yeah…” He felt so _tired_ , suddenly consumed by a need to lie down. He felt drained of all his energy- no. _Anankos_ felt drained of all his energy. But it seemed that whatever negative emotions the dragon felt, he also experienced, and he just wanted to go back to sleep now. That’s all he had done of late, wasn’t it? Sleep and cry and debate with himself over whether or not he was even alive. He had all day, right? Lying down wouldn’t hurt him- falling asleep for a bit would be okay, right? “... Yeah… I’ll be… here…”

“Just remember- you can’t tell anyone about this. Hold your little goodbyes- nobody should hear them, assuming you have anyone to bid farewell to,” He nodded once more, heart sinking again at thoughts of Hinata, standing up and slowly brushing himself off. “Get your bow, go to sleep, eat- I don’t care. Speak of this to nobody. If word of this gets to Kiran-”

“What about me?”

Without a second of hesitation, not even giving the two a chance to react, Kiran held Takumi by the back of his neck, a choked cry escaping his lips as she backed into a corner and placed Takumi in front of her like some type of shield. “Now, I don’t know what you were discussing with him, Grima, but I do know you won’t try to attack me in fear of hurting your dear little human,” Kiran grinned, shaking Takumi and ignoring the resulting whimper of pure fear. “Or perhaps I should call you Robin, since you’re acting so much like the humans you claim to despise… I thought you hated humans, which doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, considering you’ve become awfully attached to this one,” Takumi could see Grima’s fury through his own tears, barely able to make out his eye twitching. His body had completely seized up; Takumi was struggling to move, to cry out, to _breathe_ , but he had gone entirely limp. He was powerless to resist as Kiran tightened her grip, her other hand going beneath his chin. “Perhaps those ‘human’ emotions pissing you off are your own-”

“Unhand him.” Grima’s voice was low and utterly calm, a definite sign that his anger was consuming him. “Do not _dare_ compare me to you insects,” He took a step closer to the two of them, Takumi able to physically feel the anger trickling from him like a dam about to burst. Kiran’s nails dug into the back of his neck and he froze again, able to only let out a strangled sob. “He’s just like the rest of you all- worthless. Why would you even begin to put the idea in your lowly head that I care about him?”

“Did you not say before that you had grown fond of him? Why would _you_ be trying so hard to refrain from attacking me if you didn't want to hurt him?” She shook Takumi again, reveling in his muffled and frantic breathing. “If you didn’t care about him, you’d just attack me here and now with no thought of what would happen to him-”

With a growl sounding more like a furious snarl, Grima hit Kiran with a burst of electricity enough to send Takumi flying into unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah. i'm going to try to be back, this time for real unless anything else stops me from being. though i'm not going to promise anything more than maybe once a month lol.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a whole mess and if you've made it this far, thank you. i'm not expecting this to become some major popular thing, but if entertain even one person with this hellhole, it will have all been worth it in the end.
> 
> it's 4:57 am and i am in no position to be comin up with schedules, but i'm going to try to update this at least weekly- probably on saturdays. maybe twice a week. idk. 
> 
> alfonse just acts on what kiran has told him about takumi. the notes at the start and end shouldn't be this long from now on, let me assure you.


End file.
